Recently, you walked past a Baby Gap. In the window, adorable little white mannequins were clothed in miniature khakis and chambray shirts. You stopped to notice the tiny leggings under a sundress, the small jean jacket with only enough room for 2 buttons down the front. Your heart began yearning strangely. You wondered, How do I know when I’m ready to have children?
You tally up some convincing evidence in your mind:
· You’ve been married for two or more years.
· Your mother has been asking monthly if you’re “trying.”
· You’re increasingly interested in holding or babysitting other people’s children.
· You’re not embarrassed to make goofy faces and unintelligible sounds just to elicit a baby’s smile.
· You want to buy baby clothes for no apparent reason.
Are these signs? Are you actually ready?
This is not a question for your parents or friends. (Don’t take a poll because everyone has an opinion.) But if you’re married, this question should prompt regular, friendly discussions with your spouse. Even if you think you know what your spouse wants, ask again. Opinions can change (especially after a walk through a Baby Gap).
My husband and I have done enough marriage and family counseling to arm me with a bit of advice about finding out when you’re ready (or not ready). Here are 6 signs that you are not yet ready for kids:
Sign #1: Only one spouse feels ready. If one person is ready, and one person is not, then you’re not ready as a couple.And when you’re married, parenting is a couple-event. Sure, you can go for it with the realization that the nervous person will get up to speed eventually (and he/she will), but that’s going complicate the whole issue unnecessarily.
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